Anxiety: Your Unexpected Teacher
Anxiety is often seen as a relentless, unwelcome visitor—an obstacle that keeps us from enjoying life. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if anxiety, instead of being something to fight against, could become one of your greatest teachers?
In the modern world, where the rising cost of living, an ever-growing to-do list, and global uncertainties create a constant undercurrent of stress, anxiety can easily take root. It feels like a storm cloud that follows us everywhere, casting shadows over our thoughts, decisions, and relationships. But rather than pushing it away, we might consider leaning in with curiosity.
What is anxiety trying to teach you?
What can you learn from Anxiety?
The Origins of Anxiety: A Messenger from the Past and Future
Anxiety often has its roots in our past experiences and trauma. It's a messenger from the past, bringing unresolved wounds to the forefront of our awareness. This past pain influences our present, colouring how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. But anxiety doesn’t just dwell in the past; it also thrives in our anticipation of the future. My mentor and dear teacher, Garth Elley, speaks of this part of ourselves as "the scout"—the part that ventures into the future to gather information on what might happen and brings it back to us in the present. While this future-scouting can be valuable for planning and preparing, it can also lead to overwhelm. When we fixate on what might happen—when we over-worry or become preoccupied with future scenarios—this is when anxiety takes hold. It’s as if the scout takes over, trapping us in a loop of endless “what ifs” that pull us away from the present moment.
The lesson anxiety brings here is clear: it signals that we are not fully present. Our minds are occupied with what could happen rather than what is happening.
The Power of the Present Moment: Where Anxiety Doesn’t Exist
The antidote to anxiety’s relentless forward (or backward) march lies in the present moment. Here and now, anxiety cannot exist. The present moment invites you to be with what *is*—to feel your feet on the ground, the breath in your lungs, and the beating of your heart. It’s in this space that you can begin to face anxiety, not as an enemy, but as a guide pointing you toward deeper understanding.
This is not to say that anxiety is easy to handle or that you can simply wish it away by focusing on the present. Instead, it’s an invitation to be curious about your experience of anxiety. What sensations are you feeling? What stories is your mind telling? What happens when you allow yourself to sit with those sensations without judgment?
My Personal Story: Learning from Anxiety
Many years ago, I found myself running an IT business that, while successful in business terms, I increasingly felt was misaligned with my purpose. The stress of operating the business, coupled with a growing sense of dissatisfaction, led to increasing anxiety. I remember the sleepless nights, the tension that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my shoulders and jaws. I coped by drinking too much alcohol and distracting myself in other ways. But the anxiety persisted—it was trying to teach me something important.
It wasn’t until I started listening to that inner voice, acknowledging the anxiety and misalignment, and took steps toward realigning with my true purpose that I found relief. I began to create a more relaxed, spacious lifestyle filled with meaning and joy. Anxiety had been my teacher all along, guiding me back to my true self.
The Role of Self-Compassion and Needs-Based Awareness
A critical component of managing anxiety is developing needs-based awareness. Anxiety often signals unmet needs—whether they’re for security, connection, or self-expression. By identifying these needs, you can take steps to meet them, either by nurturing yourself or seeking support from others. Recognising and honouring your needs is an act of self-love, one that can alleviate the pressures that feed anxiety.
Empathy and self-compassion play a vital role in this process. When you approach your anxiety with understanding rather than judgment, you create a space for healing. Instead of berating yourself for feeling anxious, try asking, “What do I need right now?” This simple question can guide you toward actions that nurture your well-being and help you align with your values and purpose.
Practical Tools for Managing Anxiety: Learning the Lessons
You may have encountered various tools for managing anxiety before, and it might feel like nothing new. However, the key lies in consistency and finding what resonates with you. Here are some powerful yet simple practices to help you learn from your anxiety:
Mindful Awareness: Often, we try to escape anxiety by telling ourselves stories about what’s causing it. Instead, try staying, start by noticing your anxiety without judgment. Notice where the anxiety resides in your body—perhaps it’s a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach. Focus on the physical sensation without attaching a narrative to it. Breathe into the sensation, and allow yourself to fully experience it in the present moment. Recognise it as a signal, not a threat. Ask yourself, "What is this anxiety trying to tell me?" Stay with the sensation, not the story behind it. Trust that you are safe enough to stay a little longer with the sensation and explore it.
Grounding in the Present Moment: Practice grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the here and now. This could be as simple as feeling your feet on the ground, feeling the support of Mother Earth holding the weight of your body, focusing on your breath, or engaging in a sensory activity like touching a textured object or smelling a calming scent. A simple exercise is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique: Look around the room and name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise engages your senses and pulls your mind away from anxious thoughts.
Needs-Based Awareness: Everything you do, you do to meet a need. What need is your anxiety highlighting? Identifying your unmet needs can guide you toward fulfilling them, reducing anxiety in the process. You can find a comprehensive list of needs here.
Self-Compassion: When anxiety arises, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious sometimes. This practice of self-compassion can soothe your inner critic and create a space of safety within.
Mindful Movement: Engage in activities that connect you to your body, such as yoga, walking, or dancing. Movement allows you to release pent-up energy and brings you back into your body, grounding you in the present.
Seek Professional Help: You don't have to navigate anxiety alone. Seeking professional help through counselling, therapy, or support groups can provide you with the guidance and tools needed to manage anxiety effectively. A professional can help you uncover the root causes of your anxiety, develop coping strategies, and support you on your journey toward healing and balance.
You can find a comprehensive list of self-help resources here.
The Path Forward: Embracing Anxiety as Your Guide
When approached with curiosity and compassion, anxiety can be a powerful teacher. It tells you where work needs to be done, where alignment is needed, and where you need to bring yourself back to the present moment. Rather than seeing it as something to be feared or pushed away, try viewing it as a guide—a messenger with important lessons to share.
By listening to your anxiety, staying present with it, and learning from it, you can begin to transform your relationship with it. And in doing so, you’ll find a more profound sense of peace, purpose, and connection to yourself and those around you.
